Fran died. It’s okay.

My friend Fran died at 12:20 this morning. You met her when I wrote about her desire to serve a week ago.

I was listening to a Nichole Nordeman song yesterday, one that I listen to a lot. I thought it sounded a lot like Fran. Here’s part of it.

I don’t mind if you’ve got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who’s who and so-n-so’s that used to be the best
At such’n’such … it wouldn’t matter much

I won’t lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an ‘Atta boy’ or ‘Atta girl’
But in the end I’d like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed Your Name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy.

She didn’t get a bunch of accolades. But, oh my. She leaves a legacy.

looking ahead

That’s what Advent is about. Looking ahead, anticipating. And today is the first Sunday of Advent.

For Advent this year I’ll be looking ahead and looking back.

I’ve been wrestling for the past couple weeks with the question of my thankfulness, or, more accurately, my lack of it. Into that thinking came Robert Hruzek. Every month he invites people to write a post about what they learned from [something]. For December, the challenge will be “what I learned from the generosity of others.”

As I was thinking about that topic today, I thought of one post, and then another, and then another. I realized that a wonderful approach to Advent, to understanding grace and generosity and unmerited favor (that’s for the seminary trained readers of this blog), would be to be grateful. So that’s going to be my theme for the next month. You can join me each day if you wish.

Some of you will be looking at my Advent ebook starting tomorrow, December 1. I’ve love to know whether it helps your anticipation of Christmas this year.  It is available as a FREE downloadable pdf, advent2008, (Right click on the link to the left and save the file to your computer). Or leave me a comment and I can email it to you. It’s also a digital book on yudu.

Looking ahead to 2009, I’m starting a new site, 300wordsaday.com. I’ll be working with a number of people, maybe with you, to help people follow Jesus 300 words a day. Don’t worry if that isn’t of interest to you. That’s why it will be over there. But I just wanted to let you know.

Why is that what it’s called? Because 300 words is long enough to help us think and not so long we are overwhelmed. It looks exactly like this.

not much year left

At the beginning of the year, I wrote an 8 ways post about goals and about accomplishing stuff (January 1, 2008) . With a month left in the year, I went back to that post to see what I had said, to see how I was doing.

I realized that the original post is worth reviewing as we get to the end of 2008. There is still time to redeem the time.

1. Ask yourself or your partner in accomplishing life, “list three words for the year.”
Rather than giving you a roadmap, these can give your heart direction for the year. (One of our words for the year is “smaller”, reflecting a desire to live more simply with many fewer purchases.) [This was a great idea, except that I don’t remember all three words. One was “smaller,” one was “simpler,” and one may have been “finish.” I’m hoping it was because this has been a year of finishing some things.]

2. Identify month-long rather than year-long goals.
This year I set a goal for August, for thirty days of posting. It was achievable because it was sustainable. I did the same for Advent. I’m planning it again for Lent. [The lent project turned into a group project, which was great And I’m finishing two months of posting tomorrow. And I’m still working with shorter-term goals. What about you?]

3. Talk next to rather than across from a guy.
Nancy realized that part of our success in walking and talking this year came because we weren’t looking at each other. I’m certainly not opposed to looking at my wife–quite the contrary. However, it is easier to talk while side by side. (The real principle here is that we need to make progress comfortable).

4. If “purposes” or “directions” are more helpful than “goals”, great.
Progress is more important than language.

5. Interact with people.
I’ve been stretched by conversations this year in ways that I never would have imagined at the beginning of the year. I think differently than I did…and so do some of the people that I’ve talked with. And the truth? Our projects may fail or fizzle, but the more we are deepening in relationships, with both other humans and with God, the less significant those projects are. [This has been ever more a year of meeting people and talking with people. And of having to remember how important that is.]

6. Let goals masquerade as things you want to do.
You think, “I want to read that particular book.” Do it. Then you will have read something, grown your world, given yourself something to talk with others about, challenged your thinking, and kept either a library or bookstore in business. (And here are some books to consider…from my “bookstore” or I could loan them to you)

7. Tell other people about what you are wanting to do in as direct or vague a way as you want to be held accountable.
There are a bunch of people who are really tired of hearing that we’ve been walking. The more we talked about it, however, the more we knew we needed to keep going. And as we were at the mall this morning, we noticed a couple we know who have decided to walk at the mall. So we’ll keep talking about walking. [They didn’t keep walking. We have. But I am also sure that we need to tell people our core goals. Or we’ll forget them.]

8. Forget about lists. Just live.
(Although ironically, just living can turn into a whole collection of 8 ways lists.)

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Advent starts on Monday, December 1 (at least my book does). You could make one of your goals to use an advent calendar or book.

My advent ebook is available as a FREE downloadable pdf, advent2008, (Right click on the link to the left and save the file to your computer). Or leave me a comment and I can email it to you. It’s also a digital book on yudu.

listening

Today is the national day of listening.

That’s what StoryCorps, in cooperation with NPR, has decided. They are inviting people to set aside an hour today to interview someone that isn’t often asked for their story. They want to capture as many stories, as many voices, as they can. They want to hear from people who don’t often speak, who live out of the public eye. (Here is the national day of listening information.)

I love the idea, but I started to laugh. I thought, “if everyone is listening, who is going to talk?” And then I realized that this is a day addressed to those of us who always talk. It probably should be a doubly-named day, called both, “national day of shut up and let someone else talk already why don’t you.” and “national day of please, you, in the back, arranging the chairs, would you tell us a story? Please?”

Some of us are gifted at filling silences with words, at finding white space and coloring it in, at having the answer for everyone. Some of us aren’t. Some of us step backward when someone asks, “everyone who wants to speak step forward.”

A delightful thing about blogging is that it provides a relatively safe place for some of those quiet voices to find their space to speak. There aren’t deadlines. There are opportunities to erase, to draft, to wrestle, to test before leaping.

Blogging provides a place for the person in the back, arranging the chairs, to tell a story. And the only way that anyone will know is if someone points them out. But at least there is a story.

I mentioned yesterday that one of the things I was thankful for this year is watching my wife and our children grow in their understanding of how God built them. One piece of that growth over the past couple months has been watching Nancy move into this space.

Some of you have read her posts in my Wednesday morning space at GNMParents. A couple of weeks ago, she talked about the letting go that moms have to do:

A friend and I have been talking recently about letting go of our babies. They’re no longer babies, but they are the youngest of our children. Her’s is a boy, mine a girl. Both 17. Both high school seniors.

Each of us has older children. She has several. All graduated from college. One married and a grandchild on the way. I have one older son. Still living at home while going to college. Single but talking about marriage.

Both of us are saying goodbye. Goodbye to high school plays and musicals and concerts and football games. Goodbye to the things that have kept us young–or aged us greatly. (You can read the rest here, please.)

And, before she started guest writing, she started her own blog, “The Hopeful Gardener.”

Here’s an excerpt from the middle of her Thanksgiving post:

We haven’t been able to attend the Santa lighting for the past 8 years, so it was with excited anticipation that we went tonight. As we stood waiting, I sensed the same feeling of anticipation throughout the crowd. There were smiles and laughter. People greeting each other and talking about how great the weather was. And wishing each other a blessed Thanksgiving.

It was almost as though, for just a couple of hours, the challenges and concerns of daily life were suspended. The war in Iraq was forgotten, the failing economy didn’t matter, the anxiety over family gatherings could wait. And everyone could experience a little bit of hope.

For just a couple of hours. (You can read the whole post here, please.)

Nancy and I write at computers in the same home office, just five feet apart. She is a far more deliberate writer than I am, perhaps because she is a far less encouraged writer than I am. I am the one that gets the encouragement, the celebration, the support for “having the right words.” What few people know is how often her insights, her perspective, her understanding shapes my right words. (Not, for those concerned about pastoral counseling, that I come home after ever conversation and say, “Wow, you wouldn’t believe the stupid thing I just heard.” I don’t think that anyway, and there are things I protect her and you from.) But Nancy has a precision of understanding needs and hurt and people that–more often than she knows or I acknowledge–guides me.

And now, this reflective voice, this voice that is evident when you listen rather than when you pressure, this reflective voice is finding a place to talk.

This is a long post. Thank you for taking the time to listen. But use it as an incentive today, if you are me, to celebrate “national day of shut up and let someone else talk already why don’t you.” by pointing to someone else. And if you are Nancy, please celebrate “”national day of please, you, in the back, arranging the chairs, would you tell us a story? please?”

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My advent ebook is now available as a FREE downloadable pdf, advent2008, (Right click on the link to the left and save the file to your computer). Or leave me a comment and I can email it to you. It’s also a digital book on yudu.

thankful but not in church – thanksgiving notes

Thanksgiving eve, more often than not, I have spent at church. Some songs. A homily/devotional/meditation about being thankful. Opportunity for people to stand up and tell what they are thankful for. For the past 7 years, I mostly planned them. For several years before that, I went. Growing up, we went to the service and then had pie.

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I tried to talk people at our previous church into having pie. I thought it would be a great idea. I remembered how much I looked forward to finding chocolate cream. And then a couple years ago I talked to my mom about the idea. She said that having to get stuff ready for Wednesday night and then getting stuff ready for Thursday was part of why she frequently had migraines on Thanksgiving (which I never knew about). I didn’t suggest it again.

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Tonight we weren’t in church. Our current place doesn’t have a service. Instead we were in downtown Fort Wayne. Hope was singing with her high school madrigal group at the courthouse. Andrew was running between the many events, covering the evening as a reporter for the local evening paper. Our kids are growing up.

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While Nancy and I and Andrew were standing talking, a guy walked up and said, “Excuse me for a minute. Can I talk with you? I’m with the [other paper in town].” We started laughing and introduced the other guy to his competition. He felt foolish.

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When I lead the services, I used to divide the time for people talking into two parts. Some people would talk. Then we’d sing. Then they would talk. It always took some people awhile to get up the nerve to talk in front of people. I understood that struggle. I was that way as a kid.

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There were always tears as people talked about the spouse that died or the cancer they were facing and then talked about God’s support in the middle of it. Old people after difficult lives talking about God being faithful. Because of those crises, we often sang a couple of Swedish hymns. They are melancholy.

For example

Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny!
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply!
Thanks for pain and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair!
Thanks for grace the none can measure,

Thanks for love beyond compare!

Whether or not we agree with the writer’s conclusion, there’s an honesty in this song that acknowledges that life isn’t smooth. (but I agree with the writer).

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If I would have been in church tonight, I would have talked about being thankful for a smooth transition into a new job and new church this year. I would have talked about being thankful for the opportunity and challenge I have to talk about God in everyday language, as if my Invisible Friend is real. I would talk about watching my wife and our children growing in understanding how God built them. I would talk about the people I’ve gotten to meet this year, some online, some voice to voice, some face to face, that are encouraging me and stretching me. I would talk about all of that.

If I had been in church.

Of course, if I had been, I wouldn’t have told you.

Happy Thanksgiving.

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My advent ebook is now available as a FREE downloadable pdf, advent2008, (Right click on the link to the left and save the file to your computer). Or leave me a comment and I can email it to you. It’s also a digital book on yudu.

Giving it away

Seth Godin wrote a book called Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us. Lots of people ordered it in advance. I didn’t.

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to buy it or not. I had downloaded other books of his. I had read a couple in the library. But I don’t actually buy many books. And certainly not many thin ones. ANd I likes his ideas but I wasn’t sure I was willing to invest in them, to make them mine.

On the day the book was released, so was an audio version. Unlike the print version, the audio version was free. Lots of people fussed (maybe the same people that had ordered it in advance). I didn’t fuss. I downloaded it.

And then I listened to the book. While driving. When I couldn’t take notes.

Except I did take notes. I scrawled the main points of how to start a micromovement on a receipt: (write a manifesto, make it easy for people to connect to you, make it easy for people to connect to each other, make it about more than the money, track progress toward the goal – all just typed from memory). I wrote the chapters about the difference between faith (essential) and religion (often restrictive, sometimes helpful for supporting faith) on my heart.

I finally gave in. I used my Borders coupon and bought the book.

He gave it away…and I still bought it. Because now I knew that it was worth the money. I knew that there was no way I was going to get everything I needed, all the benefit possible, without finally buying in.

Jesus told this story about people who been hired early in the day and worked all day. Some other people got hired at the end of the day. The guy doing payroll gave them the same amount. The early people complained that it wasn’t fair. The payroll guy said, “That’s what you agreed to, right?” They said yes, but, it’s not fair.

But they had what they needed to live. And that was the point.

And I have the book because I was able to taste and see that it was good.

And, after all, the author gets to make the rules. Not the tribe.

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My advent ebook is now available as a FREE downloadable pdf, advent2008, (Right click on the link to the left and save the file to your computer). Or leave me a comment and I can email it to you. It’s also a digital book on yudu.

i forget the audience

Sometimes I forget the audience.

Sometimes when I am thinking about strategy, I forget the people that need to hear.

Sometimes when I am writing an appeal letter, I forget that there are different reasons to give. I forget that there are different reasons that people are on the mailing list.

Sometimes when I am being pragmatic, I forget that there are people who are dreaming.

Sometimes when I am being creative, I forget that some people hear facts best.

Sometimes when I am really busy, I think I even forget Nancy.

And then I look up. And she is there waving.

“This is who I am,” she says.

“This is how I think. This is what I care about. This is where I am.”

And when I am wise, I listen to that voice and I smile at that smile and I wave at that wave.

But there are many audiences that don’t care nearly as much about me as Nancy does. And they aren’t waving hello.

They are waving goodbye.

When we stare at the screen, at the coolness we create, at the wonderful wit of our words, at the intricacy of our designs, let’s not forget what I often forget.

There are people in there.

did it make you cry?

Irene asked me that question Saturday night.

We walked up the aisle, Nancy and I. Irene looked at us and said, “Did it make you cry? Did you smile?”

I didn’t cry. I did spend most of 35 minutes grinning, first with recognition, then with anticipation, then with exhilaration.

Irene had asked a couple of weeks ago if Nancy and I and a bunch of other people wanted to come to the Fort Wayne Philharmonic concert. Irene was going to be playing with the orchestra. I said, “sure.” Irene is a friend, the orchestra is good, and we seldom attend.

Having said yes, I wasn’t sure what to expect. To be honest, I am not always as excited as I ought to be by orchestral music. I understand the concept (quite well, thank you), but don’t always have the attention span nor the appreciation that I should have for more traditional pieces.

Having said yes, however, we were committed.

And that, often, is how we work. We have friends ask for help, ask for advice, ask us to come over. And we agree, because that’s what friends do. And we aren’t begrudging the time, but it is more for them than for us.

And then I looked at the program for the concert. There was Bernstein. There was Beethoven. And then there was Saint-Saens. My heart jumped. And so did the rest of me.

Symphony No. 3 in C Minor, Op. 78. That’s what the program said. Which says little more than an address. “Organ Symphony” is what the program had in parenthesis. That says a bit more. One of two or three pieces of music that Jon Swanson listened to over and over while trying to write papers and read and study while an undergraduate is what the program didn’t say. But should have.

I’m not sure why I first heard this piece. I won’t even try to describe why it resonates so deeply for me. You have your own pieces of music, works of art, expressions of creativity that have deep emotional attachments.

What I know is this: I said that I would do something out of deep affection for a friend. In return, I got to hear that friend play a piece of music incredibly well working with an orchestra of people who played it incredibly well in a room that sounds magnificent.

Sometimes we take steps of faith and discover not obligation but absolute delight. As if someone knew exactly what our heart needed.

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My advent ebook is now available as a downloadable pdf, advent2008, and as a digital book on yudu.

The next thank you

Maybe you weren’t planning a next thank you. Maybe you aren’t sure who to thank. Maybe you aren’t sure whether you are feeling particularly thankful.

That makes this week pretty challenging, particularly in the United States.

This Thursday is Thanksgiving. The plan is to sit around a table with people you love and thank God for a blessed year and a bountiful meal.

But people will look around tables this year and wonder whether there was enough money for this meal They will talk after dinner about how much they lost in their 401(k) plans. They will talk as they are preparing the meal about the people who actually have 401(k) plans. They will look around the empty apartment or the restaurant and wonder what is wrong with them that there isn’t anyone to eat with, isn’t any reason to gather.

Whew. That was a pretty dark paragraph, wasn’t it? But it’s true. We have this cultural myth of what Thanksgiving looks like (thank you, Norman Rockwell) and we have this cultural tradition of undermining that myth.

So forget the turkey and linen. Radically redefine thanksgiving day. Make it be today.

Who is the next person you are going to say “thank you” to? Who is the next person that will do something that you will benefit from? Who will take minimum wage and still be competent? Who will hear your story of woe and still come back for more? Who will come around when it is still dark and carry away your trash?

I could make a very long list of people who we could thank. I could make an equally long list of things that we could do to be thank-able.

I won’t.

You do it.

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And, by the way, thank you for taking the time on a regular basis to read at least part of what I say. I am grateful more than you know.

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My advent ebook is now available as a downloadable pdf, advent2008, and as a digital book on yudu.

How is it with your soul

John Wesley started a church.

That’s a very condensed statement, so condensed as to be false.

He, with others, started a movement. They had smaller groups. In the groups, people cared enough to ask each other, “How is it with your soul?”

There is a tendency to lie as we answer that question, to not disclose what is really going on. We can talk about our busyness as if that needs must shape what is happening inside. We can talk about how everything is going well, as if that is what the person wants to hear. We can quickly turn the tables with, “Fine.! How’s yours?”

Or we might actually be honest.

“My soul is as vivid as a black and white photograph of stained glass.” – Ornate, created in detail, capable of incredible faith, but drained.

“My soul is feeling thin, stretched.”

“My soul is thirsty.”

“My soul knows it is loved.”

A doctor, a mechanic, a counselor, a coach…each depend on honest answers to be able to help. And with our arm, with our car, with our relationships, with our business plan, we often find it easy to acknowledge what is not working so that we can get feedback about what could work.

But somehow, with our soul, we’d rather not acknowledge the cracks. We might have to acknowledge the causes. And that could hurt. So we come to an agreement with everyone around us: “I won’t ask if you don’t ask.”

I understand very well. But still, I’m curious.

“How is it with your soul?”

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My advent ebook is now available as a downloadable pdf, advent2008, and as a digital book on yudu.