why don’t they get it.

It isn’t a new question.

We have been asking, “Why don’t they get it?” forever.

Almost forever, anyway.

Ever since there were two people, since social media options included face-to-face and nothing, someone has thought about someone else, “Why don’t they get it?”

(Whether “it” equals social media or community or my plan to make you rich (and me, too), the principle seems the same:)

The only way “they” have ever gotten it, in a life-transforming, behavior-altering, long-term-money-generating way, is when we think of “us” as if we were “them”.

The ability to express “me” is fun. But until “we” express “them”, why should they care?

I mean, as a conversationalist, we will be as interactive as a cymbal if we don’t listen.

Think about it: “We” could tell “them” everything about the future, but if they think we don’t care about “them”, “they” won’t trust it (or us).

We could be the best social philanthropists, but if it is all about our reputation instead of the lives of others, there is no point.

So how would it work to see from their side?

  • They will get it (enough to make it their own) only when we are patient with their objections and tentativeness.
  • And most of the time, it really helps to be kind.
  • If we are jealous of what they have already, why should they trust whatever alternatives we offer them?
  • Or we’re looking primarily for what we will get out of it rather than what they will get, they are going to look to some other “we”, some other way.
  • On the other hand, we may actually be the best, but our boasting, our pride, will push them away more than invite them closer.
  • In fact, our very rudeness gets in the way of them getting it (in most places anyway) and if we get angry easily about their questions or their behavior, if we take their criticism personally and respond the same way, if we keep track of every little misstep “they” take, we will make no progress.
  • In order for them to get it, we’ve got to respect them, expect their best, trust them.

They will get it if we are less consumed with them getting us, and more concerned with us getting them.

It’s about love, after all.

This was my chapter in The Age of Conversation 2: Why Don’t They Get It? I realized that I can share it here now. But you can still buy the book. (Of course, the link is an affiliate link). And yes, I do acknowledge a debt to Paul.

One response to “why don’t they get it.

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