I wasn’t happy.
I was doing some work around the house a couple weeks ago and decided to step on our bathroom scale.
I wasn’t happy at all.
I have a number in my head of where I “should” be. It isn’t based on research or guidelines or anything like that. It is a number based on what I weighed for a long time. It is my status quo.
When I stood on the scale that recent day, I realized that I am 25 pounds more than that number.
I don’t know when I was last there. I don’t know the last time I measured. I don’t know (or care) what my optimal weight is. What I do know is that somehow, without my paying attention to something changing, my clothing doesn’t fit as well as it did.
I’m not alone.
I don’t mean about the weight thing. I mean about things about us changing without our realization. We have a vague sense of something being different, of something not being quite right. Maybe our conversations are feeling a bit more ragged. Maybe we are aware of more frustration than usual.
But we just don’t get it.
Until we step on the scale. Until we look in the mirror. Until we have the good friend say, “are you okay?” Until “everything blows up.”
Our reaction at those times is to make radical change, fix everything. Unfortunately, I don’t think that works very well. I mean, there are times when radical change is necessary. Sometimes things just have to stop.
Often, however, radical change means that we pour all our attention into the thing we want to change. And so our lives and conversation and the lives and conversation of everyone around us become about weight (or whatever the issue is). When we tire of that (and when everyone around us tires of that), we switch to the new crisis, the new obsession, the new. .
In many cases, I think, we made small changes which have led-across time-to what seems to be the huge problem. As a result, the answer is to make small changes, habitual changes, sustainable changes, which will take us back.
So I’m going to spend August looking at making small changes. I’m not sure what it will mean. (But we’ll find out together).