8 ways to Get Nothing Done ™

@CathleenRitt has inspired many of us to stop thinking so hard about Getting Things Done. Instead, we can set our sights on Getting Nothing Done, a goal we can all achieve if we work at it.

1. List in detail everything for which you have responsibility and for which others will blame you for not taking responsibility. (How can you know that you are productively unproductive without a list?)

2. Connect to as many social networks as possible and check them at least once a week. That provides a long enough gap to allow you to forget the passwords and user names each time, and to have plenty of unviewed messages to confuse you.

3. Check email only once a day, particularly if your work depends on people reaching you. This way, the explanation of delays and lost opportunities will consume immense amounts of time.

4. Be sure to clearly articulate complex goals…which provide an incredible variety of ways to not do anything. This is far more effective than focusing on one main thing.

5. Drink coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. You need to make it, drink it, reheat it, get rid of it, walk off the jitters. A good coffee drinker can spend an entire day one the quest for brown gold perfection.

6. Spend as much time as possible on the task of organizing your work. Moving piles, reshuffling papers, discovering lost memos…all are wonderful diversions from progress.

7. Move to Hoboken. Or Indiana.

8. Regularly Google for 8 ways to do anything. Once you have read all of those, move down by ones (7 ways, 6 ways) or up by twos.

(Bonus: read books about productivity. Then write one.)

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Others in the 8 ways series:

To increase your stress
To lose your faith
To make yourself angry
To make yourself jealous
To make yourself depressed
To ruin your marriage

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3 responses to “8 ways to Get Nothing Done ™

  1. I say Amen to #5. I am always on the search for my brown gold perfection. So I am able to take the GND to new heights each and every day. It’s one of my favorite pastimes.

  2. #! #1 #! Gawsh, I do that! It causes me much stress/guilt. I need to do more GTD so I have less #1. really. truly.

  3. jennifer –
    there are now three coffee cups on my desk. I mean right in the middle of my desk blotter. not a good thing.

    Lori
    always a challenge to know what exactly to do with lists, especially lists of obligation.