Warning lights

My morning commute takes about twenty minutes these days, slightly more if you include the time it takes to take our daughter to school. I was on that drive this morning, lost in thought, when I looked down and saw a warning light: “Service Engine Soon.”

From looking in the manual in the past, I know that this means that there is something about the “breathing system” of the car that needs attention sometime.

Buried in that last sentence is an important note to insightful readers.

“How do you know what it says in the manual?”

I know because I looked the last time this warning light came on.

“So, what was wrong with the car that time?”

I don’t know.

“Why?”

Because I didn’t take it in. The light went out by itself.

“How long ago was that?”

Um, maybe a couple months.

“So, could we safely assume that the ‘soon’ referred to in the light has passed?

Well, I suppose so. But the light went out. I figured that it was okay.

“Do you really believe that cars fix themselves?”

[silence]

Ironically–or not–at the time I was driving I was thinking about the walk that I wasn’t having with Nancy at that moment. I wanted to get to work so I had some time before staff meeting, to work on….something or other. Of course, tonight I won’t be able to walk because it is Wednesday and I have responsibilities at church. And tomorrow morning I can’t walk because I have an appointment. And Monday night I couldn’t walk because I had a meeting.

But last night, and tomorrow night, and yesterday morning…..

The point of our walking is to provide both fitness and relationship, to maintain balance between work and the rest of life. I, along with many people around me, have the capacity to pour enormous amounts of attention into being at work, regardless of our productivity while there (this post, for example, is being written…at work.) The unfortunate reality is that the only person making me come in this morning, the only person saying that I had to be in significantly before staff meeting, the only person telling me that drivenness is okay is…me. Not the people around me. Not God.

Me.

In fact, at a meeting earlier this week, someone asked God to help a couple of us to know stillness, to not be so consumed by doing that we have nothing to say, nothing to give, nothing to be.

If I were a meddling sort, I’d ask you whether you have an ignored “service engine soon” light shining on the dashboard of your life. However, I have to take care of my own warning lights first. The good thing, however, about a light that says “soon” is that if offers hope, far more hope than you have when the engine suddenly stops. I take both the warning on my heart and my car seriously right now.

Excuse me while I make a couple of phone calls.

be still. again.

So Jesus is a great trainer. He teaches and heals people and tells demons to get out of people and spends a bunch of time on a comparatively small group. Twelve of these are a core group, are the main team. One day He sends these twelve out in pairs to go to the towns of Israel and tell them that the kingdom of God is at hand. He also tells them that they will be able to do the things He’s been doing.

So they go. And they do. Miracles, I mean. They actually do miracles. So they come back to Jesus and they say, “It works! It was amazing!” and He takes them across the lake to a solitary place, to get away for awhile from the trip.

He understands at that moment that they need to get away at catch their breath before the adrenaline crashes because, well, because He just heard what happens to people who are at odds with how “religion is supposed to work.” He just got the news that His relative John was killed by Herod in a pretty random way.

So they go across the water and get to the solitary place where there are, well, 15,000 people. It was solitary until word got out that Jesus was holding a spiritual retreat for a few of His closest friends. And Jesus goes ahead and talks to the whole group because He has compassion on them because they, these 15,000 people who are scattered across the hills, look a lot like sheep without a shepherd.

So at the end of the day, when everyone realizes that no one packed much food, Jesus feeds them. Actually, the disciples feed everyone as they start passing out food and passing and passing. Actually, Jesus says, “feed them” and the disciples say, “with what?” and Jesus says, “what do you have? and they say, “5 biscuits and two smelt.” and Jesus says, “thank you Father for this food” and breaks it into about 12 portions and they start passing and passing and passing. They end up with 12 baskets…one for each disciple.

So Jesus puts them back on the boat and dismisses the crowd and finally gets to spend some time with His Dad. And the disciples go out on the lake and the wind is strong and they can’t get far and then Jesus comes walking on the water. And they’re afraid and He tells them to relax and Peter says, “Okay, if it’s you tell me to come” and Jesus does and Peter does…and then Peter realizes he’s walking on water and get scared and goes down and Jesus grabs him and they get into the boat and the wind stops…so they can get to shore.

And they get to shore and a bunch of people show up and Jesus starts the healing again. And a few days later, after feeding another 4,000 people and talking with a bunch of Pharisees and all, they are back on the boat. And Jesus says, “beware the yeast of the Pharisees.” and the disciples say, “He’s saying we should have brought more food on the trip.” and Jesus says, “I have fed, like, 25,000 people on 12 biscuits and some smelt. If we need food, I can make food. Beware the yeast of the Pharisees.”

So here’s my question. Did Jesus know that there would be 15,012 people on His so-called solitary retreat?

Because if He did, it means that sometimes to find Him, to have time with Him, to be in His presence, we don’t have to be alone. In fact, He set a model of teaching His disciples about ministry recovery in the middle of a huge crowd.

In fact, he said to them, in essence, for at least today you don’t get to be alone with me as a destination. Their alone time was in the boat on the way over. And what He needed to teach them was that He could provide rest, food, wind stopping, healing, in the middle of life being lived.

Jesus did spend time with the Father that night. It was core to His existence as God. And we need to seek time with God, of that I am sure. But as I am struggling this week to understand stillness, I’m wrestling with the truth that maybe it is more a gift than a goal. And I’m faced with the reality that I can’t do theology for everyone if I am rooting it in or basing it on my own personality.

Clearly a work in process, if not in progress. Me, I mean.

Technorati Tags: jesus rest sabbath solitude

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be stilling

be still

Originally uploaded by jon.swanson

I’ll be talking about being still on June 10. That comes out of Psalm 46 where God tells us to be still and know that He is God. Of course, I am having a rough time being still. I sit on the deck and drink tea or coffee and read but the noise is deafening (all the twittering!) and my attention these days is wandering.

So help me think.

Is being still the same as being in silence? How long to I have to be still before I know that God is God? Is there a time constraint or is it something else? Do I need to still myself or can God still me?

Psalm 46 starts by talking about some absolute chaos (mountains and oceans and turmoil). As you think about being still, can you imagine it being in the middle of the earthquae?

Is stillness a weekly thing, a daiily thing or a wishfull thing?

Is there any other way to know that God is God?

Are there cultural constraints to stillness? I mean, do siesta cultures have more stillness? Or is it an arrogance thing? or what?

Or do I just need to stop talking?

renovation

This morning I realized that I will be checking out of the blogosphere for a week or so. I’m working on a couple of “interior” design/renovation projects which need some quiet.

I won’t be reading either, but make sure that you go to the FMC circle of people in my blogroll, and also Chris, Paul, Michael, and Rob. They all need your comments.

I thought about putting a cute picture here, a sign taped to a window or something, but that would take more time to produce than simply saying, in the words of Tigger, “TTFN”.

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90 – 3

That’s about how long since I last wrote here and the current temperature.

In a sense, the two are related because our house has been cold due to a furnace that doesn’t keep up with this really cold weather. Why does our external environment so affect our internal resolve? Not just because fingers get numb, but mostly because in the struggle to get enough heat, I find the will to write, the will to reflect waning.

The challenge for all of us is to make sure our internal resolve helps us through the change in environment, the thing that change our moods. I’d write more about that, but I don’t feel like it.

——

Part of the lack of writing has also been a surfeit of of talking. I was offline for 24 hours while at a church leadership retreat. We talked and prayed and laughed and thought and enjoyed thinking about what our core values are, what really matters to us. Then there was church, then there was a conversation with a guy going through a hard time, then there was a party, then there was some other stuff.

All of that reflection takes the place of this reflection. Apparently, I have a finite number of words. and hours.

—

We talked some about what we would like to be known for. Several things came to mind. One was “living with the Bible like it’s really God talking.” I growing tired of mere spiritual talk. Especially coming from my own mouth.

technorati tags:resolve

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on rests.

I used to play tuba. As such, there were often long stretches of music pieces we played during which I didn’t play. We would spend these times counting very carefully (1-2-3-4, 2-2-3-4, 3-2-3-4 and so on). It was stressful at times because you had to make sure you entered at the right place.

Last night a friend was talking about this very experience. He plays trumpet, his son is a violinist, and both spend time resting and counting.

As Kent talked about this kind of resting, he mentioned the challenge of learning to rest in the resting to be able to enjoy what other people are doing, to enjoy the music.

I thought of a couple other elements of extended rests.

• When we are resting, we give other people the opportunity to be heard. A tuba covers up a lot. When we rest, the clarinets can be heard more clearly. And sometimes, they need to be featured that way.
• When we are resting, we are reminded that you don’t have to play all the time to make a meaningful contribution to the piece. The silence is part of the playing as well.
• When we are resting, we can be preparing for the playing that we do.

I suppose that there may be some application of these ideas outside of music. But I’ll stop playing and let you think about it.

technorati tags:rest, sabbath, orchestra, tuba

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Five great things about migraines

I’ve been fighting a migraine all day today. I spent most of the day in bed, just because it was the easiest thing to do. And so I know, what could be good about them? And for some people who get them all the time for days at a time, this post is not for you.

However, for others of us, well, just keep reading.

1. They remind me of how out of balance I get. For some odd reason, my migraines show up when I’ve been pushing too hard and not keeping a sabbath. I’m not Jewish, but I still have the same command to keep one day in seven for God. Some seasons of the year or of my life I don’t “remember the sabbath day to keep it holy.” I keep working. I don’t stop. I Push on with good things. But when is a good thing not a good thing? When something else is what you are supposed to do.

For the last three weeks, the weekends have been busy and the Mondays haven’t been clear. And I pay the price. Not because God is judging me. But I think because I’m built for balance and I’m not keeping that balance.

2. They remind me I’m not indispensable. While I’m writing this, I am not at a meeting at church. I’m supposed to be there. I’m always there. But I realized that no one else makes me be there. I make me be there. And tonight, with a week that is getting ready for our Christmas event, no one needed a martyr. I missed staff meeting today as well. And I believe that the church is still standing. And I wouldn’t think about this without a headache as a mnemonic device. Which is really sad.

3. They go away without residual effects. When this headache passes, I will feel fine. In fact, I’ll be kind of euphoric (and that isn’t from the medication) So many other things that people have have long term effects. My migraines. don’t. and that’s great.

4. They make me sleep. In fact, I have been sleeping most of the day. I feel asleep in the recliner earlier than usual last night. That kind of sleeping would be even better if I didn’t have a vise pushing right behind my eye when I move my head, but the rest has been a good thing.

4. Everyone has a solution. Some of them work, some don’t, but it gives people the opportunity to express compassion, and that’s nice.

5. They remind me that there are people who have real chronic pain…and endure. My mom had migraines that would last for 2-3 days. I have other friends with cancer, with , Tokay, fill in the blanks of chronic illness. Somehow, they keep pushing. I’m not thinking about the old other-people-have-it-worse-than-you-so-buck-up. I’m actually amazed at how many people do amazing things in spite or or maybe because of debilitating illness. It makes me wonder why I’m not doing more.

Yes, I know that there are 6. But sometimes when you can’t see the screen clearly, it doesn’t matter.

UPDATE ON WEDNESDAY: As I said in  number 3, they pass. I woke up in great shape this morning and have been able to push all day. Wonderful!

technorati tags:migraine, life+balance

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Rest

I won’t spend long talking about the rush and absence of rest in our lives. But I wanted to mention this.

Monday’s are my less busy days, days that when I am living in a cycle that I should are days of sabbath – rest. I’m reading The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan this morning and found this as a simple rule for Sabbath: “Cease from what is necessary. Embrace that which gives life” (129).

A marvelous way to think through this one in seven principle which is both commanded and is a dream which we cannot imagine to be possible.

The Rest of God

technorati tags:sabbath, mark+buchanan

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Resting and recovery

Follow the link to a great blog by Mark Driscoll about steps to create space for those who are in ministry. Which, probably, should be everyone.

His comments about sabbath, about technology distance, are very helpful.

http://theresurgence.com/mdblog_2006-05-24_death_by_ministry